In the greatest days of the British Empire, a new commanding officer was sent to a jungle outpost to relieve the retiring colonel.
After welcoming his replacement, and extending the usual courtesies (gin and tonic, cucumber sandwiches), the retiring colonel said, "You must meet Captain Smithers, my right-hand man. He's really the strength of this office. His talent is simply boundless."
Smithers was introduced to the new CO, who was surprised to meet a toothless, hairless, scabby and pockmarked specimen of humanity, a particularly unattractive man less than 3 ft. tall. "Smithers, old man, tell your new CO about yourself."
"Well, sir, I graduated with honors from Sandhurst, joined the regiment and won the Military Cross after three expeditions behind enemy lines. I've represented England in equestrian events and won a Silver Medal in the middleweight division of the Olympics. I have researched the history of… "
The colonel interrupted, "Yes, yes; never mind that, Smithers; the CO can find all that in your file. Tell him about the day you made fun of the witch doctor."