Monday Joke

Snow White, Superman and Pinocchio are walking along.

They see a sign: "Contest for World's Most Beautiful Woman." Snow White goes in, later comes out smiling, wearing a crown.

They walk along and see another sign: "Contest for World's Strongest Man." Superman goes in, later comes out smiling, wearing the belt.

They walk along and see a sign: "Contest for World's Greatest Liar." Pinocchio goes in, later comes out with his head down crying.

"Who the hell is Barack Obama?" Pinocchio sobs.

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Passwords

I was reading Windows 10 will let you say goodbye to passwords forever and was thinking "what a bad idea (and not just because it's MicroSoft).

Microsoft is adding support for the Fast Identity Online (Fido) standard to Windows 10 to enable password-free sign-on for a number of applications. 

The Fido standards aim to create a "universal framework" for secure but password-free authentication. Fido supports biometrics such as face, voice, iris, and fingerprint or dongles, and members of the group include Samsung, Visa, PayPal, RSA, MasterCard, Google, Lenovo, ARM, and Bank of America as well as Microsoft.

OK, so when my password is compromised (or I forget it) I request a new one and I'm good to go in a few (annoying) minutes. But what do I do when my biometrics are compromised? It's pretty easy to find a picture of just about anyone, so facial recognition is pretty much dead. Likewise voice. And other biometrics can be hacked.

The big problem is, once they are hacked, they are gone. I can't change my fingerprints if my account it compromised.

Biometrics are only as secure as the method used to obtain the data, and that's obviously not physically secure.

No thanks, Fido.

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Monday Joke

A young man named Chuck bought a horse from a farmer for $250.00. The farmer promised to deliver the horse the next day.

The farmer showed up early the next morning and told Chuck "I have some bad news, the horse died."

Chuck said "Well then, just give me my money back."

"I can't do that," the farmer replied. "I already spent the money."

"Then bring me the dead horse," said Chuck.

"What are you gonna do with a dead horse?" asked the farmer.

"I am gonna auction him off" said Chuck.

"You can't auction off a dead horse!"

"Watch me."

A few weeks later, the farmer ran into Chuck and inquired about the dead horse auction.

Chuck said "It worked out great! I sold five hundred tickets for five dollars each, and I made $2245 in profit."

"Didn't the people complain?"

"Only the the guy who won. I gave him his money back."

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Who watches the watches?

This week a colleague left work as part of a "force reduction" at my company. In her parting email she wrote "Feels like destiny, but more of a happenstance, my atheist self won't let me get away with destiny talk."

Which reminded me of a story. Last week I was at the filming of Jeff Cavins' new Bible study series "Unlocking the Mystery of the Bible." While I was there, Jeff told this story.

An atheist and a Christian were walking down the beach one afternoon. They came upon a Rolex watch in the sand, still ticking, and displaying the correct time. 

"I wonder how that watch got there?" said the atheist. 

"I know" replied the Christian. "The raw materials of the watch were on the sea bed, and billions of years of wind and water, and the energy of tectonic movements and volcanism caused those materials to be formed into a watch that happened to have the right time and be placed on the beach." 

"Ha ha" said the atheist drily, "Do you honestly expect me to believe that?" 

The Christian replied "I only claimed that about a watch - you believe that about everything in the universe."

My atheist colleague, and the atheist in the joke recognize that there is no "intention" or "meaning" to the subject at hand, but they fail to recognize the consequences of their beliefs. Because although in limited cases order can arise out of randomness, intention, or meaning does not. Ever.



So, as the video says, if all we have is the material world, how do you account for things like "will" "intention" and "meaning? According to the video, it all comes from "quantum mechanics." And as we all know, quantum mechanics is "random." And "random means there is no reason, no meaning, no intention discernible (presumably because there is none).

That means that, according to the atheist world view, the Christian's assertions in the story are correct. The watch got there by an accidental chance of nature. If the atheist is right, the people who mined the ore, smelted it, designed the watch, made the parts of the watch, assembled it, sold it, bought it, and left it on the beach were all acting according to the demanding dance of quantum particles in their brains, and through no "will" of their own.

If followed to its logical conclusion, the denial of God means that there is no will, no meaning, no love nor hate, no good nor evil, no thought, no logic, etc. How many of you who don't believe in God are willing to assert all that your belief implies, and to live as if that were true? Or are you really hypocrites who want to believe something, but don't have the conviction of your beliefs.

Even the "agnostic atheists" who say that they will accept the possibility of a god, but they personally don't see any evidence, and therefore do not believe - they have to answer this same question. Do you really see no evidence that you can choose something, that you can love someone, that something can be good or evil, or have any kind of meaning?

...and please note that I am not relying on the Bible or Christianity or even religion to make this argument - this is based on science. If there is nothing but science, nothing but the material world, this is the only possible conclusion.

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Monday Joke (and an appeal)

First the appeal. My son's school, Mater Dei Prep has been told they will close unless they raise $1 million in the next 60 days. The school had financial troubles years back and has been slowly digging itself out of debt, but apparently not fast enough for the diocese. It currently has an expected budget gap of $400k, and we're told the $1 million will pay for that and the next 2 years until it is expected to be debt free and self sufficient.

If you can find it in your heart to help please pray for the students and staff, and if you have the means, please donate what you can either at this link online or by mailing a check (saves on credit card processing fees) to

Mater Dei Prep 
538 Church Street 
Middletown, NJ 07748

Thank you for your prayers and support. Now onto the joke.

This past week I was at the filming of the new Great Adventure Bible study: "Unlocking the Mystery of the Bible." It was very interesting, and informative. During the "down times" (when they were working technical issues, etc.) the director told this joke:

A woman died and found herself standing outside the Pearly Gates, being greeted by St. Peter. She asked him, "Oh, is this place what I really think it is? It's so beautiful. Did I really make it to heaven?"

To which St. Peter replied, "Yes, my dear, these are the Gates to Heaven. But you must do one more thing before you can enter." The woman was very excited, and asked of St. Peter what she must do to pass through the gates. "Spell a word," St. Peter replied.

"What word?" she asked.

"Love" answered St. Peter. "You must spell the word 'Love.'"

The woman promptly replied, "L-o-v-e."

St. Peter opened the gates and she entered heaven. There she found all the faithful departed and saints having endless celebrations. She met Jesus and the Apostles, and was enjoying herself immensely.

After about a week St. Peter came to visit her. "How are you enjoying heaven?" he asked.

"Oh I love it! I never imagined anything this wonderful!"

"I have a favor to ask" said St. Peter.  "We're having a special party for my mother in law, and I was wondering if you could watch the gates for me for a little while so I can attend?"

"I'd be happy to" replied the woman.

"You remember what to do, right? They have to spell the word to get into heaven."

"Yes, I remember. Have fun at the party and give my love to your mother in law."

So the woman is left sitting in St. Peter's chair and watching the beautiful angels soaring around her when a man approaches the gates. She realizes it is her ex-husband.

"What happened?" she cried, "Why are you here?"

He said, "I was so drunk when I left your funeral, I was in an accident. And now I am here? Did I really make it to Heaven?"

To which the woman replied, "Not yet. You must spell a word first."

"What word?" he asked.

"Czechoslovakia."

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Monday Joke

A farmer named Clyde had a tractor accident. In court, the trucking company's fancy hot shot lawyer, was questioning Clyde. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine,'?" asked the lawyer.

Clyde responded, "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite cow, Bessie, into the..."

"I didn't ask for any details", the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question, ...please. Did you, or did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?"

Clyde said, "Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer behind the tractor and I was driving down the road...."The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Your Honor, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question."

By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Clyde's answer and said to the 

lawyer, "I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite cow, Bessie".

Clyde thanked the Judge and proceeded. "Well, as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite cow, into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my John Deer Tractor right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting, real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear old Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her groans.

Shortly after the accident a Highway Patrolman came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning, so he went over to her. After he looked at her, and saw her condition, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun still in hand, looked at me, and said, "How are you feeling?"

"Now tell me, what the heck would you say?"

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